Category Archives: diaryish.

Smiles to tears.

It doesn’t take much to move me from smiles to a break down these days. The stupidest thing can jog a memory or hit a nerve and I lose it. Luckily its normally in the comfort and privacy of our home, where the dogs provide immediate support with worried looks and slobbery kisses to wipe away my tears.
Yesterday I had just such a moment.
Cleaning isn’t one of my favourite pastimes. I do the minimum necessary unless anyone is visiting.; then the house can be blitzed from top to bottom, inside and out in a just a few hours. Yesterday I decided the top of the tv cabinet really needed some attention. The marks in the dust were too obvious to be missed. With reluctant hands i grabbed some cleaning stuff and set to.
On top of the tv cabinet are an array of family photos, as well as Tony’s ashes and a couple of momentos from times gone by. It’s always been like that, the only difference these days is the addition of Tony’s Urn. Strangely its not the urn or its contents that upset me but the photos. I am the only one still living in any of them. Each has a poignant memory, now bittersweet.
I really thought that by now episodes of grief would have been easier and fewer but they still hit like a sucker punch or tsunami, stopping me in my tracks as I pull myself back together and some semblance of normalcy. Grief really is a bastard.



Filed under diaryish., Factual, Personal, Uncategorized

14 December 2016

WhatsApp: Misunderstanding cleared up. Less to worry about in the wee small hours. Happy Birthday Carla.
To Ikea; Cute puppies on the stairs. Christmas is everywhere. Panic triggers under control; breathe.
Ikea Family means free coffee. Time to watch the eye candy.
Only wanted a living room rug; spent loads more. No change.
Sant Boi. Al Campo. Forgot what I went in for. Oh that’s right a new toothbrush. No Philips on the shelf. Okay: Amazon.
Blueberries and chocolate eclairs going cheap. My name on them both. Dog biscuits and cat treats.  Keep the kids happy.
Siesta. Four cats on my legs, two cats cuddled up beside me.  Doorbell went, everyone scattered.
MRW delivery. Never as nice as SEUR. Hair clippers. Mine broke during last trim. Haircut tomorrow?
Afternoon walks. Cuddy not keen, so just Franki and yours truly. Peaceful in the fields.
Unwrap rug. Cuddy’s very happy not to have a cold belly on the tiles.


Afternoon tea treat.


Filed under Contemporary, diaryish., Factual