Some days I fail to see the point. I fail to see the point of me anymore.
I busy myself with tasks that once would have felt important. I do things that I think will help normalise me day. I send and reply to messages with false smiles and bravado that is no longer mine.
I have recently been reading ‘How to stop time’ by Matt Haig. It’s a book I am enjoying and don’t want to give any spoliers but some of his words hit to the heart of my feelings.
At one point he writes for the lead character: “I have been in love only once… the idea that you have one true love, that no one else will compare after they have gone. It’s a sweet idea, but the reality is terror itself. To be faced with all those lonely years after. To exist when the point of you is gone.”
The weather today has not helped my humour, I know. I no longer handle the wet or ‘cold’ well, but at least grey days allow me to be grey too.
I dont love the rain, but..