Laughter and tears

Last night was the Eurovision song contest, just in case you missed it.  I’d already watched the semi-finals during the week and was looking forward to a great show. Yes, folks, I really do enjoy it.  It’s been quite a n emotional watch for me over the last couple of years. Tony and I always watched it together, commenting and rolling eyes as necessary. Watching now I miss him and his comments (eye rolling).

During the show I was ‘chatting’ with Nick and Carla in the UK and Anna in Ireland via a whatsapp group we set up, and with Irene up in Bilbao. How amazing and satisfying that technology could bring us altogether. There was a general consensus on my favourite entry, and we agreed we should go to Portugal for next year’s competition. If we can get tickets will someone please come look after this lot?

I’d already ‘fallen in love’ with the song from Portugal during the semi final, so was cheering him on last night. I understood some of the lyrics as they were similar enough to Catalan and/or Spanish. The song includes the following lines “Tell them I lived to love you, before you I only existed.” and “listen to my prayer, I want you to return, to want me again. I know that I can’t love alone”.  I don’t think I need to explain more why I sobbed when the song won.

And here’s the link to youtube. With English translation. 


Today it is exactly 13 years since we arrived in Vilanova to begin our new life. Another bittersweet day. Coming here was one of the best things we did, and I wouldn’t change that for all the money in the world, or anything else, but today is another reminder of how alone I am now.  Together we would have celebrated the last 13 years, alone I can only be grateful for the 11 and a half years we had here together. The last two years have not been as good.

Tony in car

This morning when I walked Franki (Cuddy wanted a day off) we passed a red Citroen Berlingo at the end of the road. The same make and colour as the car that brought us over here so long ago. Memories of that 18 hour journey flashed through my mind.  We came with the car fully loaded, including two of our London cats and Xali, our beloved Battersea boy. They’re all gone now. I am what remains.

There have been quite a few changes since that first day. we’ve had central heating installed, new doors and windows throughout, a new kitchen and of course improved the garden.

Top left is 2004, the other two are now. 


I’ve tried to keep busy doing things, but it doesn’t work. Anniversaries and celebratory days serve as painful reminders of what I no longer have. At least I know it won’t last forever for me either.




Filed under Contemporary

3 responses to “Laughter and tears

  1. Thank you for sharing, it is so special to read about the depth of your love for Tony, what a special gift x

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