It arrived yesterday morning, addressed to us both. I picked it up and threw it on the desk hoping to forget about it, until I was ready, if I ever would be.

I picked it up and turned it over and round yesterday evening.  There was no return address. Who couldn’t know by now? To someone he’s still alive, we’re still together. I put it back down.

This morning I couldn’t leave it any more. I picked it up and hastily tore it open.

“Dear Mark and Tony,
I am sure you have had the best of years as usual…..”

I threw it aside and broke down. Words sent in love causing so much pain. I wasn’t ready for it after all, but I needed to know who it was from. I checked who had signed the card at the end and wondered why they hadn’t got the emails and letter. I was angry and hurt, sorry and forgiving.

This afternoon I took a deep breath and read the rest. Their good news, their ‘wonderful year’ touched my every raw nerve. They had no idea. They wished us the best for the New Year. I cried.

Now I must write that letter again, the one that hurts so much, delivering the news I wish I had never heard.

“Dear…., Thank you …. but…”

Tomorrow I must brave the post office to mail the words I have written.  Words I never wanted to write, never thought I’d ever have to share. Words that carry sadness.

Today I have had enough.





Filed under Contemporary

5 responses to “Mail

  1. Oh Mark, how awful. My heart goes out to you, you have suffered enough! No more please Universe if I may be so bold as to ask on your behalf? Hugs xx

  2. Kevin

    I love you Mark. Such a pity we are so far apart and I am not the best of being in regular contact. Sorry to hear about your disturbing parcel or card. I had moved to Kelowna after Michael died. I bought a new condo, moved in and soon after my Strata President out of the blue called me Michael instead of Kevin! She never knew Michael; she didn’t even know my late partner’s name and yet here out of the blue, she called me Michael. At first it disturbed me and then I realized it was an affirmation that Michael was with me and she sensed it. She was upset when I told her! Keep writing! The letter of response that you have sent have, difficult as it may be is uncovering the pain if healing. Big loving hugs – from little ole me!

  3. Roger Simpson

    Oh God Mark… This brought it all back! Got a huge lump in my throat and tears in my eyes as I type this. My heartfelt love and best wishes go out to you. It does get easier, honest, although that is no help at the moment. Hang on in there xxx

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