Mail

It arrived yesterday morning, addressed to us both. I picked it up and threw it on the desk hoping to forget about it, until I was ready, if I ever would be.

I picked it up and turned it over and round yesterday evening.  There was no return address. Who couldn’t know by now? To someone he’s still alive, we’re still together. I put it back down.

This morning I couldn’t leave it any more. I picked it up and hastily tore it open.

“Dear Mark and Tony,
I am sure you have had the best of years as usual…..”

I threw it aside and broke down. Words sent in love causing so much pain. I wasn’t ready for it after all, but I needed to know who it was from. I checked who had signed the card at the end and wondered why they hadn’t got the emails and letter. I was angry and hurt, sorry and forgiving.

This afternoon I took a deep breath and read the rest. Their good news, their ‘wonderful year’ touched my every raw nerve. They had no idea. They wished us the best for the New Year. I cried.

Now I must write that letter again, the one that hurts so much, delivering the news I wish I had never heard.

“Dear…., Thank you …. but…”

Tomorrow I must brave the post office to mail the words I have written.  Words I never wanted to write, never thought I’d ever have to share. Words that carry sadness.

Today I have had enough.

09-mail

 

Advertisements

5 Comments

Filed under Contemporary

5 responses to “Mail

  1. Oh Mark, how awful. My heart goes out to you, you have suffered enough! No more please Universe if I may be so bold as to ask on your behalf? Hugs xx

  2. Kevin

    I love you Mark. Such a pity we are so far apart and I am not the best of being in regular contact. Sorry to hear about your disturbing parcel or card. I had moved to Kelowna after Michael died. I bought a new condo, moved in and soon after my Strata President out of the blue called me Michael instead of Kevin! She never knew Michael; she didn’t even know my late partner’s name and yet here out of the blue, she called me Michael. At first it disturbed me and then I realized it was an affirmation that Michael was with me and she sensed it. She was upset when I told her! Keep writing! The letter of response that you have sent have, difficult as it may be is uncovering the pain if healing. Big loving hugs – from little ole me!

  3. Roger Simpson

    Oh God Mark… This brought it all back! Got a huge lump in my throat and tears in my eyes as I type this. My heartfelt love and best wishes go out to you. It does get easier, honest, although that is no help at the moment. Hang on in there xxx

Let me know what you think.

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s