Goodbye to 2016

 

I’d be lying if I said it had been anything but a bastard of a year. Without doubt 2016 has been the worst year of my life, and I’ll not pretend that I’m healing, although in public it may be hard to notice most of the time (I’m a consummate actor). Every moment of every day is still full of thoughts and memories of Tony. Of course some of the memories buoy me up, but nothing takes away the pain.

Christmas was a non-event. For me it was a normal Sunday. The kids got chicken and ham for lunch while I (by choice) feasted on a cuppa soup. I still have a pile of cards in the hall, unopened, from the whole of December, from those who ignored my request for none. To those that did listen, thank you, and those that actually paid the money they saved into Tony’s fund an extra hearty thank you.

For the first time in my adult life I went to bed early last night, on NYE. Tony and I used to do the double. At midnight we’d eat the grapes and down the cava, then at one o’clock Spanish time we’d switch to UK TV to celebrate all over again. Last year (2015) was the first year that Tony managed all 12 grapes with the midnight chimes, so much for that being good luck.

All that said I am still well aware that I have a privileged life. I have a roof over my head in a home I love, more than enough food to eat and fairly good health (coughing as I write). I have a furry family that comfort me more more than could be imagined. This year I have found out who my good friends are and the fair-weather ones. I have joined a writing group, making some lovely new friends, who have been incredibly supportive from the off.

TdM has done fairly well during its first year of being open to guests, and although it is currently closed while the facade is being done up I hope it will be able to support me even more this year.

I’ve written quite a lot during the last year, a lot of it quite dark and very personal. In November I did the Nanowrimo challenge again, this time a much more emotional journey, and later in 2017 I will be publishing Berwick Street to Barcelona (Our Story). With a bit of luck the third cousins adventure will also be ready for sale sometime early this year.

So, you can see, it’s not all doom and gloom, but the clouds are still heavy over me and my heart is still in pieces.

2017 couldn’t be any worse than 2016 for me, it simply isn’t possible. With this in mind, or perhaps despite this, I wish the best of years for everyone.

25-abc

 

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4 Comments

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4 responses to “Goodbye to 2016

  1. Lynda

    Happy New year x I know I don’t really know you but just wanted to say that here to chat anytime. I don’t think things get better but we learn to live with it as it were. I do hope you take this as the support that is meant. I enjoy your writings here and sometimes want to comment but don’t know you but have snippets of insights into your life. You and your furbabies take extra good care for this new year x Lynda x

  2. ingridfolkers

    Mark, I do wish you a Happy New Year, despite of what might seem just another year without your love. It is not a cliche, when people say, time will heal all wounds. I believe it just depends on how much healing. Some wounds are just so deep that they will linger on. Paso a Paso as they say on the Camino… you will walk into the sunshine and one day, even tho you can’t believe it right now, you will rejoice in the beauty of your life, and the memories will be the catalyst for a new kind of happiness.

    You will continue to know that you are in my thoughts and am holding space for you, until you are able to do so yourself. That little heart that shows up on your facebook feed without a word tells you, I am acknowledging whatever journey you are on that day. Light and Love Ingrid

  3. With good friends like Ingrid who are there for you and like you say 2017 could not be worse so huge hugs from me, hopefully (even just a little) to cushion your pain xx

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