For anyone of a nervous disposition – or anyone that it is easily offended stop here. The words I write below are not for the squeamish, or easily shocked. (and that isn’t a hook line).
I was lucky enough to have a complete relationship with Tony. Any secrets we had were usually little ones about presents for each other, or surprise parties. Larger ones we dealt with, sometimes heatedly, but we always dealt with them. We were one hundred percent comfortable in each other’s company, and all too often uncomfortable when apart.
I have always maintained that one of the largest taboos is breaking wind, and that until you are comfortable breaking wind in each other’s company you haven’t quite got there.
It took a while for us to reach this point in our relationship, but once we had there was little stopping either of us. After all we were always a couple of ordinary blokes and at time very immature ones.
Whilst living in our little room on Shaftesbury Avenue we shared a single bed so there was no getting away from each other at bedtime. Occasionally it wasn’t just the two of us, but those stories are for another time…
One night we were snuggling down and falling into that pre-sleep dreamy state, after a dinner of jacket potato and chilli if I’m not mistaken when I was aware of my tummy quietly gurgling away. Needless to say I am to one to suffer trapped wind and genteelly let rip. Tony would probably have used another adjective.
Woken by the thunderous roar Tony sat bolt upright in bed.
“Bloody hell, what was that?” he asked, knowing full well. “You just knocked me off my horse in Mexico.” he exclaimed.
Now, just as then, this brought on a fit of the giggles. It seems Tony was dreaming that he was riding a horse in some Mexican drama and was literally blown off his horse.
This was a memory that was only brought back to me while reading old dairies recently. I am so glad I scribbled down such inconsequential details.
More recently Cuddy had a severe bout of lumbago and was unable to get to the garden to do her business, so I had to carry her. Luckily she as still quite young and not as large as she is now, or I’d have been the one with back ache.
As her lumbago was so severe it also affected her digestion. ONe morning I carried her to the top of the garden for her ablution and as we got there she broke the loudest wind I have ever heard. Of course I was in fits of giggles immediately; forgetting the plight of our poor puppy for a moment or two. Cuddy of course, being a polite young lady was mortified at her outburst, an mine.
“What on earth?” came a call from the bedroom (which incidentally is the other end of the flat).
I carried Cuddy back in and gently laid her on the bed. “Did you hear that?” I asked.
“Hear what, just you giggling like a loon,” Tony replied.
I explained the reason for my inappropriate laughter, and yes of course got the ‘eye roll’ as Tony rolled over and comforted our poor puppy.